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On a rowboat without a paddle

I have managed thus far to get my “mojo” back. Some semblance of what I use to be and of what I know I can do given the resources. Founding and hosting the 1st Frankfurt Girl Geek Dinner was a challenge I wanted to take and needed to succeed in - publicly. It was something that I felt I required as part of my induction into a German/Technology niche, no matter how small (in Frankfurt).

I have now managed to obtain the much coveted Media Pass to the Web 2.0 Expo in Berlin Oct. 21 - 23.

Thanks to the kindness of Tim O’Reilly for making this possible.

The only challenge I foresee in the next week is:

1. How do I get to Berlin.

2. Where do I stay.

3. Where do I get the money to fund this.

I shouldn’t be going. I’ll be missing 4 English classes and that means not getting paid for the classes for that week but having the classes moved over to the first week of November. This is not good because it will be a lower amount of pay for my October Paycheck that will arrive at the end of November.

Because I am going to the Philippines Nov. 14 - 29 (my parents are paying for my ticket), I will not be working for half of November. December will be a very POOR month with only really, one week of pay in November that will be given to me end of December. You got it. Christmas. :o(

Sigh.

I am thinking of NOT going to the Web 2.0 Expo but how could I not. This is one opportunity that was given to me as a gift. I would never have been able to get in without Tim’s kindness. I NEED to be there at the Web 2.0 Expo. I am hoping things will find a way to work out - as they always do.

Come on Universe. Make it happen.

Posted 12 October 2008 † Carmen Villadar § 1 ‡ Comments (0) ° Tagged: , , , , , ,

Prolific Needs to Come Back

I don’t know what is was that stopped my prolific blogging. Oh, wait a minute. On second thought - I do. Change of job, then change of country.

But I do honestly believe that these past 2 years that I’ve slowed down my blogging pace was truly spent on reading other people’s blogs. Some were inspiring, of course. And I expect blogs to be inspiring. Whether the blog content happens to share a slant on information that is already out there or whether it is of a personal nature ( I love reading personal blogs because I feel that is where people can really connect with), I’ve spent the greater part of these past 2 years on the internet reading blogs.

I’ve also spent a good part exploring and examining these so called Social Media Networks. Orkut was my first, then Friendster, then MySpace (Yeah, I’m on MySpace), then Facebook (of course there are other smaller or what I consider not too popular site: not too popular to me anyway), then twitter etc …

Let me tell you, it takes work. It takes effort to maintain your profile on these sites and it takes effort and I mean SINCERE effort in connecting with people and keeping up these online networking relationships.

It’s strange but on a given day, I say more to people vie FB Chat or Twitter or email than I do to the people that are closest to me. Even the one that I currently live with. What is that?

I know of couples where one spouse or both need to be online or on the computer/laptop as part of their jobs. And of course, since the internet is readily accessible from home, I find that people DO NOT stop working at 5pm or when they leave their office. In fact, people work from home! I wonder how they draw the boundaries while at home between “Work time” and “Home time”. I can see this being next to impossible, only because I am living it currently.

So, that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing for the past 2 years. Yes, I’ve managed to still post entries here and there and create websites here and there but I’m also regretting the many times I did not blog because truly, I had some of the most awesome blog topics to blog about.

I won’t try to remember all of them now. Though I wish I could. But I feel it would not be sincere or genuine. I only believe in blogging when the mood arises and not having it forced.

After reading the countless blogs on social media networking tips and such other mundane topics I now feel the strong need to start blogging again, mainly to give the blogosphere some SOLID AUTHENTIC content.

Something that I feel is so lacking.

Look at blog world. I’m back.

Posted 08 October 2008 † Carmen Villadar § df dailies ‡ Comments (0) ° Tagged: , , , , ,

New Media is Old Media

Granted that technology and new technology always have profound impacts on people, society, the world - whatever the current New Media hype is, it’ll only be Old Media in another decade or so.

There’ll be a handful of early adopters ranting and raving about the new New Media. There’ll be people trying to creatively find ways to make money from it. There’ll be people claiming to be professionals or experts in how to ‘monetize’ the new New Media platform and there’ll be the usual mainstream of people that just won’t get it.

It’s certainly not rocket science and it’s certainly not a mystery.

There are hundreds of blogs currently, all posting about the advantages of embracing the current Web 2.0 etc … and honestly, it’s making me sick. It’s all redundant.

There IS no secret. It’s simply all about people and communicating. There is NO secret.

Sure, people suck at communicating. Sure, there are people that can’t even seem to get a grasp of what really is important or essential, so much so that they need someone else to tell them what to do, to enlighten their ignorant selves - only to increase the seemingly “ego value” of someone else’s false pretense.

Whatever.

It’s not that I’m a hypocrite. I’m only being honest on a given day or hour.

Do I embrace any new New Media? Of course I do. But that’s just me. I’m A.D.D. so I am always looking for things to learn and tamper with.

On the reality scale though, I feel that my reality is much more grounded than many others. Why? Because, while I DO have a grasp and sense of any new New Media, I am able to see the overall picture of where things will eventually lead to.

I KNOW what everyone ultimately wants to achieve, even if they do not know it for themselves.

After all the running around and trying out of new things, people will get eventually disillusioned at one point and feel the need to “STOP THE INSANITY”. Some will really STOP. Others will take a sabbatical but get back on the band wagon. People will sense at one point that it may be a waste of time, but they won’t listen to their intuitive because they feel that they don’t want to miss the boat on the next big thing. So what do they do. They merely continue on with their exploration and passionate acceptance of the current new New Media.

Me, I just go with the flow NEVER forgetting what is essential.

If you ask me, I think there is something deftly wrong with all this New Media, Web 2,0, Social Networking stuff. I just cannot put a finger on it.

Of course I admit that without Twitter or Facebook I would never have had the chance to communicate with Jeff Pulver, Tim O’Reilly and the hundreds of people that I may have never met, but you know what? There are hundreds of people within a 1 km radius that I have still to meet but never will because I spend time on the internet.

Basically, I too am fucked.

Stay tuned for my theory on the evolution of mankind.

I think I have abstractly blogged about it in a fiction sort of way.

Posted 08 October 2008 † Carmen Villadar § df dailies ‡ Comments (0) ° Tagged: , , , , , ,

Working Through the Pain …

My heart is not broken so that is not the pain that I speak of. It is from a love that no longer has place. It is from a love that needs to die, now.

If I could I would severe that love from my own being. How I wish this love was like a limb. Amputation would be in order and something that is so strong in me, how I wish would simply disappear and fade.

It’s easy to deal with emotion. It is only emotion. The challenging thing is dealing with the words that were said to you.

Hurting.

Piercing.

Cruel.

Cold.

Right now I hate life.

Hate will go away, but not before my physical being finds a way to leave.

Posted 06 October 2008 † Carmen Villadar § Hot Web 2.0 Tools ‡ Comments (0) °

Taxes are so Taxing …

I left my life in Houston, TX on May 8, 2007. I met a guy in Second Life. (We) fell in love, and (we) decided to start a life together - hence my move out of Houston.

It’s been well over a year and I cannot deny that it’s been an up and down roller coaster of emotion. Especially the first 12 months (but then again, it’s expected). The next 5 months proved to be better. Fights had lessened somewhat, and it appeared as if we were finally starting to understand each other.

Every now and then, when there was money issues or when tax forms needed to be filled out and submitted the mood in the apartment would be tense. Taxes always make people tense. Go figure.

Last night it was told me to that we were going to the Tax office in the morning to file our monthly taxes etc …

This morning I didn’t feel like getting up. I was still recovering from a cold but not just any other cold - a cold that I had to place on the back burner while all last week I was biking in the cold rain trying to get things together for an event I was hosting last Thursday. On top of that, I had classes to teach and talking all day while your throat was sore is not a good thing.

My body still aches and I know I have no where near caught up on the sleep I have been deprived of since moving here last year.

Today, tax day - he did it again. He said the same thing as always when there is money or tax issues.

“Well, I don’t see how this can continue.”

“We are not a couple.”

“This is not working out.”

“I only love you as a friend.”

“If you meet someone you like, go for it and in turn, if I meet someone I like, I will do the same.”

“I am not attracted to you …..”

.. and so on and so forth.

Was I hurt? Of course I was. I am still recovering from all the other times he had said these words to me.

What hurts me most is that fact that he does not realize exactly what he is saying. All other times when money is not an issue or when it is not Tax time, everything is fine. Everything is great. Only during these perceived stressful times of lack of money and ‘tax form filling out’ do I get the emotional and verbal abuse.

*sigh*

Posted 06 October 2008 † Carmen Villadar § Hot Web 2.0 Tools ‡ Comments (0) °

Being Stifled

I hate being stifled. I mean, for goodness sake’s, I’m fuckin’ 44 years old. I’ve been married, divorced, I’ve buried one child, moved to 3 different countries, started a new career 3 times (being a nurse for 11 years was enormously rewarding and the learning .. wow). Fell in love too many times :o) but NEVER got hurt and now, I have to watch what I say on my OWN damn blog?! WTF??!

Posted 04 October 2008 † Carmen Villadar § df dailies ‡ Comments (0) ° Tagged:

1st Frankfurt Girl Geek Dinner

It’s been 2 days since the 1st Frankfurt Girl Geek Dinner took place. I’m still tired and still sick. I’ve been ill with a cold for almost 2 weeks now and it was rough trying to keep up with my English classes since I really wanted to devote more time to the event.

Call it my ego, but whatever it was, I needed this event for my *self*. I needed something public to show to others what I was capable of and what I had to offer. When you come to a country and the past 11 years of your life was spent as a nurse - trying to make your way into this new NEW MEDIA is not easy. Especially since I had to start of all places, in Germany. I cannot speak the language nor can I understand so that alone I feel is such a strike against me.

I’ve always been capable of doing many things on my own. That sentence is really not true. Not this time anyway. M helped so much. He seemed to pick up where I would leave off. He knew when to leave me alone to do what I needed to do and he also knew when to step in to volunteer. He did not even ask, he would just say, “I’m going to do this.” It was the first time that I would allow anyone to “do something for me”. Strange.

I don’t know if anyone would understand my reasoning for trying to do this event “solo” but in any case, it’s certainly something I could put down on my resume - a resume that will now depict my new life here in Europe.

I am really Blessed. Everything turned out as I planned. People said it would be hard to get 20 people but more than 30 came. I wanted a banner for the event and it was done. I wanted a professional photographer and at the last minute (2 days before), I managed to call on someone I met earlier in the year - and he was able to attend and photograph the event. We even got to use a beamer.

We had no sponsor but all in all people said that the event was successful. I wish I had access to more funds - if so, then the event would have been spectacular.

My plan was to create a WOW factor. I contacted certain people that were well known online personalities (Jeff Pulver, Tim O’Reilly, Chris Brogan) and asked them if they could do a shout out video to the guests of the Frankfurt Girl Geek Dinners.

The challenging things was getting these very busy men to even read my emails and tweets since they already get hundreds of emails and tweets a day. With persistence and the fact that I KNEW it would all come together, I just didn’t give up. And neither did they. These men were in the midst of traveling in between conferences all over the world and they all managed to do a video just prior to their flights, (Tim O’Reilly did his video while at the Frankfurt airport enroute to Athens,  Greece and Chris Brogan did his video in a hotel in St Louis!)  I really appreciated the time and effort these three very busy men gave to the cause. In the end, it was well worth it. The video’s were well received and everyone was indeed surprised.

I am now thinking about the 2nd Girl Geek Dinner. I want Crytek to sponsor the next one.

Posted 04 October 2008 † Carmen Villadar § df Update ‡ Comments (0) ° Tagged: , , , , , ,

1 Week To Go

One more week or rather, it is now 6 days till the 1st Frankfurt Girl Geek Dinner. I’m excited, but mainly because I’m curious to see if I can actually pull off all the stuff that I have planned in my head.  With limited income or actually NO budget for this (because we don’t have any money other than spending out of pocket) it’ll be interesting to see what I can come up with. Since we live in a digital age I wish we could just have virtual giveaways. Hmmm, that gives me an idea.

I created a Twitter Cafe in Second Life and I’m thinking of launching a simultaneous Frankfurt Girl Geek Dinner in Second Life at the Twitter Cafe the same time we are having our Real Life Dinner. If that’s the case then I am going to have to get my ass going and start planning.

Oh great. I now have tons of stuff to do in Real Life and now Second Life too! Way to go - me.

Posted 25 September 2008 † Carmen Villadar § Hot Web 2.0 Tools ‡ Comments (0) °

Status Update:

It’s well into 2008 almost approaching 2009 and to be honest, I can’t see to keep up with myself. Perhaps that’s because my SELF seems to be all over the place but no where near where it really should be. And where is that you may ask? You tell me.

Okay, so I haven’t really been a good blogger of late but I have a perfectly good excuse. It’s because I’ve been reading everyone else’s blogs that to be honest, why would I blog about anything tech when there are hundreds if not thousands of blogs all blogging about the same damn topic.

So in hindsight I thought that perhaps I SHOULD start blogging again and the only topic that I know best that I KNOW no one knows about it “me”.

If you search for digitalfemme or digital femme (everything you get is about me except about the digitalfemme that live in New Jersey). I’m the Pacific Islander one.

I’ve also realized that most of my “pause” in blogging was due to a certain someone that absolutely refuses to be mentioned in my blogs even if I use a code name. I have a huge problem with this, just as he as a huge problem with me blogging about him. So what do I do?

I got on Twitter and asked the opinions of the less than 150 people following me at this time. I received all great answers. I love social media.

Sigh, as I don’t want to stir any raucus, especially since my Work Permit will expire in Jan 2009 I will behave, for now. :oP

Where do I begin? As I don’t like recalling past events, only because I am way too lazy to right it all out and that’s because many months have past, I will begin from NOW.

I’m sick. I’m under a green light and I don’t give a flying fuck if no one believes in the vibrational frequency of light and colours. I had quite an interesting experience last night with my body but I won’t mention it here. That deserves a topic unto itself.

I’ve also taken on a TOEFL teaching contract that starts next week and runs for 4 days for 4 hrs and 15 minutes a day. I need the money but I don’t need the stress. I am saying this because perhaps I could’ve made a better decision NOT to take on the contract since next week is the 1st Frankfurt Girl Geek Dinner. It will be on Thursday and as I see it, I will need all the time and energy I can muster to get things completed and perfected in the way I ONLY KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

’nuff said.

I’ll blog about next week and see if I actually survived. Did I sink or swim? Did I make a good first impression or will they talk and laugh and mock and scoff at me behind my back. Nevertheless I am not afraid. I have been dragged down the mouths of useless people before so another few mouths will not hurt me.

Well, since I’m sick I better get some rest.

Posted 24 September 2008 † Carmen Villadar § Hot Web 2.0 Tools ‡ Comments (0) °

Are You Ready for a Second Life?

This may seem strange to many of you and yet, there are many of you out there that know exactly what I mean. There is an online computer program called Second Life. It’s a program where you use an avatar (a digital figure representing you) that you use to move around in the program. This program is unlike any other program you may be using right now. Second Life, the client program allows you to interact with other people via chatting or using headphones and speaking over VoIP (Voice over Internet Protocol). It sounds like an advanced IM chat room and in a way it is. The main difference is this, Second Life and all that it can offer can really allow someone to have a second life.

Are you ready for a Second Life?

You’ll first need to visit the Second Life site and register for their free Basic Membership Plan. They offer a Premium account but I recommend signing up for the Basic. It says that you can only purchase land if you have a Premium account which is true only if you are purchasing land from the Second Life Store. There are many other 3rd party land sellers that offer all sizes of lands that does not require you to have a Premium membership. Besides, you can always upgrade at any time.

Believe it or not, you can purchase land inside Second Life. This ‘land’ translates technically into memory space on a server. You can purchase various sizes of land or memory space on a server where you can create and build objects that are stored on your land or memory space. It may sound a little confusing at first but really it isn’t. You can purchase a small amount of land called a ‘parcel’ for under U.S. $100. You will need to pay a monthly fee which they refer to as ‘tier’ mainly for server costs and maintenance. The larger the land you buy the more expensive the initial land price is and the more expensive your monthly tier will be.

The largest amount of land you can purchase is equivalent to 65,536 sqm. That means you are buying 65,536 sqm of virtual land which equates to an allotted memory space on a server. They call a 65,536 sqm of virtual land a region or a sim (think of simulator or better yet, think of your phone’s sim card and all the data it can store).

Registration for joining Second Life walks you through the process of choosing an avatar image and name. Currently, there are 12 avatar images to choose from, male, female and a few race types. You will always be able to change what your avatar will look like in Second Life anytime and as many times as you want. The important thing is that you choose an initial avatar to be able to log into the Second Life client.

After picking out an initial avatar image, you have the freedom to choose your avatar’s first name but you would need to choose the last name from a list of suggested last names. Be careful when choosing a Second Life name for your avatar. This will be the name that will represent you in the virtual world. You may find that the first name and last name combinations that you’ve chosen are not available because others have picked them before you. Do not get discouraged. You will be able to find a combination that has not been taken and thus, take this name with you into your Second Life.

Once you’ve completed the above process you will need to provide some contact details like a valid email address, your birthdate, your country, your gender, a password for logging into Second Life (remember this password) and then agree to the Terms of  Service. You will then need to activate your new Second Life account by going to the valid email address that you provided and clicking on the activation link. After that, you will be asked to download and install the Second Life client.

Before downloading their client and installing it onto your hard drive you’ll first need to make sure that your graphics card, processor and RAM meet the requirements. Once installed, you need to launch the program, then sign in using the avatar name and password you chose.

Now that you’ve logged into Second Life your first experience will be getting oriented to the menu controls on your screen. You’ll be welcomed by a guided instructional window at the upper left hand of your screen. Follow the instructions while you learn the basics of moving your avatar and how to interact with the objects in Second Life.

You will be amazed at all that there is to see and do. If you would prefer a one-on-one instructional guided tour just to give you a jump start then ‘click’ on the [SEARCH] button at the bottom of your window and type in the empty field, Ysabel Isabella.  Click on ’search’ and you will find Ysabel’s profile. Open up her profile and at the bottom of her profile is an instant message (IM) button. Click on it to send her a message requesting one-on-one instructions and/or a guided tour. You can also ‘click’ on the [add as friend] button so that the both of you will be able to know when the other is inworld (logged into Second Life).

If Ysabel is not inworld or does not respond right away, then she is probably in Real Life, out enjoying the sun.

Posted 24 August 2008 † Carmen Villadar § second life ‡ Comments (0) ° Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,